A Song of Ice and Fire, or how to lose your fans in five extremely complicated steps.

Since A Game of Thrones began, I've been wondering how, being a known fantasy geek, and moving in geeky enough circles, I could've missed hearing about the Ice and Fire books, and how come I don't know anyone who's ever read them? Now that I've almost finished reading the currently published four books, and learned more about them, I understand why this is.

George R.R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" books are very long, very complicated, and very rich with characters. So rich that there's an iPhone app to help you keep track of who is who and what they've done. There are about fifteen main characters, through which the story is told. Meaning that each chapter is named after one of those characters, and is told through their point of view. The first three books, published respectively in 1996, 1998 and 2000, tell the story very well, switching from one POV character to the next, and moving forward in time through all of them. Then, apparently, Martin spent five years writing book 4, and announced in 2005 that it had become so long and complicated that he had decided to split it into two books. He published the first of them around the end of that year, and the next one is due this July. However, here's the little surprise: the book was split in two not chronologically, but per character. Meaning that both of them would cover the same time period, but each would feature only half the main characters.

So, to sum up; in 2000 Martin published book 3, which ended with rather nasty cliffhangers for most of the characters. Five years later he released book 4, which only continues half the story, and the other half is expected this July 2011.

Now, I became an eager Harry Potter fan in the worst possible moment, just after book 4 was published, so I know something about authors blueballing their readers, but even I have to say that this is beyond cruel. Much like the mad king from the Ice and Fire novels, who once placed a man in a situation where he had to watch his father burn or hang himself in the attempt to save him, George R.R. martin is abusing his power over his audience. And I know about the time it takes to create as well, and about artistic perfectionism, but it's too much. The thought that there are people out there who've been wondering about the faith of Tyrion Lannister, the only relatable character in the bunch, for over ten years, makes my blood run cold.

Where was I going with this? Oh, I remember. So, I now understand that the reason I hadn't met any Ice and Fire fans until now, was that they've all probably died, lost their minds, or are trying to forget the books ever existed. As well they should. Not cool Mr. Martin, not cool at all.

What me racist?

I've just deleted a post because someone complained about it being racist. Looking at it from a few months' perspective, it was quite tactless. I might have some racist content for you in the future, but only the kind I can get behind entirely.

Nosy Bear by Fran Krause

Contrary to what we were thought in highschool, I've seen that people who take things easy sometimes accomplish more in life. Take me for example - I take nothing easy and I don't accomplish much. On the other hand, you can take this story of how Fran Krause made his short "Nosy Bear" in his sketchbook, probably while sucking on a straw, as an example of the opposite:





Original Post Here

me vs the world 6

Stuck in Boromir limbo

Something needs to be done for actor Sean Bean. He appears to be stuck in the worst case of typecasting I've ever seen. It's not that he keeps playing the same type of character, he seems not to have had a change of clothes since 2001.

This is him in "Fellowship of the Ring"

"Black Death"


...and now "Game of Thrones"




















As we say in the cyber circles, what the wtf?!

P.S. My libido is very much in favor of this look, and isn't concerned at all with the damage to Mr. Bean's carreer.

Where the passive-aggressive assholes shop!

This commercial is my current pet peeve. For those of you who don't speak Hebrew, the idea is that the husband wakes up in the middle of the night with a cold, so he wakes his wife up and sends her to "Super Pharm" to get him some medicine. While there, she spots the nail polish rack, buys two almost identical colors, and asks him which one looks better. Luckily for him, she got him headache pills.

Mmmm, where to begin, where to begin?

First of all, kudos for managing to degrade both men and women equally. Really, nice job.

Secondly, here's my definitive list of midnight medical conditions that would justify waking up the spouse: if you're bleeding in a way that might cause loss of consciousness. If you are choking. If you're experiencing heart or appendicitis symptoms. If you've soiled the bed in some way. If an internal organ has popped out. If your water broke. If a wild animal is eating your face. If you woke up and don't remember who you are. Anything else wrong - you wait until morning. If you wake up with a cold, put on a warmer shirt, a scarf maybe, make yourself a hot tea quietly! then try to go back to sleep.

Thirdly, and more importantly, is this: I know that I'm very old-fashioned and outdated, but I remember when commercials used to send the message of "buy this, it's what all the successful people are buying". All the cool kids eat these chips, all the rich businessmen have this car, all the modern women wear these shoes, etc. Lately, and I didn't notice exactly when this happened, the people in the commercials are bastards, swindlers, morons, they have bad marriages, dysfunctional relationships, they are bad parents - and still I'm supposed to want what they have! How'd you like to be stuck in line behind this passive-aggressive asshole? Not that this one would ever be caught shopping for himself - I'm sure that his wife buys everything for him, from underwear to birthday presents for his parents.

In conclusion, the next step that I recommend for the creators of this commercial, is what Bill Hicks used to recommend to all advertising and marketing people, i.e. this:

Czernobog / Bielebog

This is from Neil Gaiman's "American Gods" - a book I've developed a strong fetish for. The part where Shadow and Wednesday stay with the Russian gods is one of the best parts, where surrealism mixes with the reality of an old immigrant's household:

Czernobog shook his head. He looked up at Shadow. "Do you have a brother?"

"No," said Shadow. "Not that I know of."

"I have a brother. They say, you put us together, we are like one person, you know? When we are young, his hair, it is very blond, very light, his eyes are blue, and people say, he is the good one. And my hair it is very dark, darker than yours even, and people say I am the rogue, you know? I am the bad one. And now time passes, and my hair is gray. His hair, too, I think, is gray. And you look at us, you would not know who was light, who was dark."

"Were you close?" asked Shadow.

HTML

One of my minor achievements that I'm pleased with, is that I've learned basic HTML. Nothing that will get me a Noble prize, I know, but it comes in useful every day. For example, I have built my website by myself. I can tweak the controls of this blog, for example, and I can add the little window on the side here that takes you to my new "Self Portraits" page. Make sure you check it out - I won't be showing any new additions here anymore.

Roman Polanski's "Bitter Moon"

A couple of years ago I sat in the first lecture of a course about Roman Polanski in the Tel-Aviv university, given by a much beloved but very pompous professor. He began by listing all of Polanski's films, and I fell into his silly little trap by raising my hand and pointing out that he had left out "Bitter Moon". His well-rehearsed answer was "I've left it out, because it isn't worth talking about, and I'd rather forget that it was ever made".
Then he spent a month talking about "The Tenant".

"Bitter Moon" - in French, "Lunes de Fiel", meaning "Moon of Gall", as opposed to "Lunes de Miel" which means "Moon of Honey" i.e. "Honeymoon" - is one of the most underrated films in history. Just as the wonderful "Starship Troopers" is mistaken for a cheesy action film, when it is in fact an earth-shattering social commentary, so "Bitter Moon" is mistaken for a romantic drama gone wrong, when it is in fact a grotesque indictment of the modern ideas of romantic love.

As I read some of the reviews for this film, my hands start to shake with anger. The consensus seems to be that Polanski started out with the intention to describe a moving love affair, then got lost in his stupid desire to create provocations by inserting as much soft-core porn as he could get away with. They mock the cliche lines that Peter Coyote's character speaks with a straight face: "Have you ever truly idolized a woman? Nothing can be obscene in such love. Everything that occurs in between it becomes a sacrament." and nobody knows what the hell Hugh Grant and Kristin Scott Thomas' characters are doing there. Roger Ebert is the only one who seems to have some kind of idea of what this film is really about. So, listen carefully, I'm only going to explain this once:

Oscar and Mimi are living out the romantic fantasy of romantic Parisian romance that we've been conditioned to want and fantasize about. He is a brooding American writer who lives in Paris and expects to become the next Henry Miller or Ernest Hemingway. He meets a divine creature on the bus and falls in love at first sight, but doesn't get to speak to her. After looking for her for months and almost giving up, he finally runs into her by mistake, and this "written in the stars" affair can finally begin. Of course she remembers him, of course she has also fallen in love with him at first sight. As they crash into each-other's arms with phrases like "I might have been Adam with the taste of apple fresh in my mouth. I was looking at all the beauty in the world, embodied in a single female form.", they reach the point where Meg Ryan films usually end, and step into uncharted territory. What happens next, or rather what doesn't happen, is that they never reach the comfortable, "boring" stage of the love affair. They never learn to enjoy eating breakfast together without tearing their clothes off and licking milk off each-other. They giggle and kiss while shopping for sex toys, but they will never giggle and kiss while shopping for groceries.

And so the grotesque part of the story begins - how far can you go on desire alone? At what point does sexual exploration become a silly cartoon? What do you do when a person kneels at your feet and tells you "You can do anything you want to me, just don't send me away"? How does it feel to go in an instant from being all-powerful to being completely powerless? And after all the battles have been won and lost, how do you spend eternity? Perhaps by poisoning the lives of a young couple you meet along the way, by mocking their seemingly boring and lustless relationship, and forcing your personal hell on them.

Just like Mimi and Oscar's love, Roman Polanski the masterpiece director is gone now, and it's too late to hug his ankles and cry "Please don't go, I'll do anything!". Instead, we can quote another cliche and say "We'll always have Paris", we'll always have "Chinatown", "Rosemary's Baby", and "Bitter Moon".

Good Night - a self portrait